i will run my life like a broken bureaucracy

I Will Run My Life Like A Broken Bureaucracy

I will run my life like a broken bureaucracy on its busiest day.

I will sit at my desk when I should be in the field. I will be in the field when the paperwork piles up. I will plot my life in chunks and clouds. Wedges between weekends and holidays will no longer be mine, I will learn how to ask, compulsively, what has happened to the time.

I will treat my surroundings like large, sanctioned, lands. I will blame a lack of funding for not cleaning up my lunch. I will throw my extras on the floor, and excuse my bad habits and frequent lateness with a stereo roar. It's the way things are, I'll say.

I will hang inspirational quotes on my door, and invoke them when talking about the stuff I'm not allowed to do. I'll say I would be the change I want to see, but the system is so big, you know, and I'm just, well, I'm just, me. I will pin, poke, and list lines and lines of things I'll never see. I'll begin to think there's a million people out there enjoying themselves, and I'll sit at my desk just staring and wondering, why not you? 

I will break all of the pens and steal stationary. I will write up work orders for broken tables and xerox machines, but not file them with the correct department. I will complain about the coffee and not chip in when the machine is broke.I will tell a story about a neighbor who must think they're pretty special and how not all of us are so lucky. I will set my phone so it goes straight to voice mail and dodge emails that are marked Urgent or Please Reply or Third Attempt. I will become a hero and hamper at home, telling myself all of the things I'm getting right. My fish and dying dog will get me. 

 I will change the world I want to see.

I will be the sea I want to change.

I will be a broken beuracracy on its  busiest day.